I hated you, anyway.
If 2016 was the rise for me, then 2017 was meant to be the fall.
It was a year that broke me, in every sense and in every way possible.
2017 had reminded me that things in life are usually temporary, both the good and the bad. I lost a job, but I also received a beautiful daughter. We had to cut back on Sunday lunches out and coffee dates, but we also received another opportunity to appreciate the little things in life. Financially broke, but rich in experiences.
I took on new risks in my professional career and continued to learn as I went. Even if I had no idea what I was doing. (I still don’t.) I started a blog to hone my writing skills and to put my digital media knowledge to work. My husband and I picked up new leadership roles in our community and aspire to become small business owners. We are in the process of laying a foundation that will allow us to take charge of our lives, and to be free of any financial burdens we have taken on over the past few years.
This year helped me gain resolve and purpose. I got a better picture of what I wanted my life to be like, and clarity on how to get there. Now I just need to keep working hard on my goals and I will get to where I want to be. And the rewards will be amazing.
Failing does not paralyze me as much as it used to since 2017 was definitely the year of FAILURE for me. I was failing all over the place. But 2017 showed me how to persevere, even in the darkest moments. I’m now numb to the sting of disappointment, but I am able to quickly pick myself up and move on without looking back.
My inner demons tried to conquer me, as I fought and defeated the postpartum depression that left me devastated during a time of what was supposed to be joy and happiness. It was a dark and frightening storm that tried to ruin me and destroy all that I’ve worked hard for up to this point in my life. I still battle with my demons sometimes, but now I can make them dance and flee. I am not scared of them anymore and I will not be a slave to my own thoughts. I’m thankful for the friends and family members that supported me during this trying time of my life and continue to do so today.
I went through hell and back this year. There was a lot of pain. Loss. Sacrifice. Suffering. But all for a greater cause. Honestly, I don’t know how much there is left of me to take.
I think that’s because the old me is dying.
A newer, stronger version of me seems to be emerging. A version of me that I will need to get through the year ahead, as I can already see the new challenges and obstacles I will need to overcome. This year has hardened my heart, but perhaps for the better.
I am fearful, yet somehow after all of this, hopeful for 2018.