Sometimes, I worry if I’ve lost my ‘fun’ side after I decided to settle down. I’m fortunate to still have a few of my single friends that don’t have any kids to lug around, but it’s become harder to socialize these days, let alone get a decent shower in.
I still love to go out every now and then, if my bank account says it’s okay to do so. But I’m definitely not pounding down drinks like I was while I was in college. It’s not that I couldn’t recover from the hangover if I chose to do so, but I’m busy. And I’m kind of at an awkward spot in life – where people tend to be having their kids later in life, and I managed to win the baby lottery at the young age of… 25?
But people were having kids around that time in their life, maybe back in the 1950’s or something? I can understand why people are holding off on having kids these days. Crippling student debt and the cost of living are just a few factors. (I promised myself I wouldn’t rant about this stuff… yet.)
But here’s the thing – even though my doctors had said I was at the “sweet spot” in terms of childbearing age, it sometimes still feels like I had jumped on the baby train a bit too early because I see a lot of people my age still partying, traveling, living it up in general – while I’m over in the corner with my mortgage, marriage, and sweet baby girl.
My life is pretty awesome, don’t get me wrong. It is just so different from what I had imagined.
So when my single ladies ask me to hang, there are more obstacles I have to face besides the outfit I’m going to wear.
Gone are the days of spontaneous nights out after a long week. I have to usually plan girls nights out at least a week ahead of time in order to be completely free to do what I want. This entails getting a sitter for PJ or having dad take one for the team. There is no such thing as free childcare, even when you have relatives who won’t charge you – there will be unique challenges to deal with there, too. (It’s the grandparents’ job to spoil the kids rotten and give them candy before bed, after all.)
Also, I can’t decide to just stay out until 2 am unless I consult with my husband first before I head out the door. We’re a team, so unless there is an emergency, we try to make it home when we say we will. Chances are, he is eagerly looking at the clock waiting for me to get back to pass the baby/household chores/work/etc. on to me as soon as I walk in the door, just as I do some days when he goes out with friends or is working. Respecting each other in a loving relationship is cool.
When my ladies come over to my house for lunch, I will mention PJ for a hot minute and then ask about their work lives and what’s going on with them – I’ll save the gross parenting stories for my newly acquired mom friends. Seriously, thank God for the mom friends in my life right now.
Secretly, I don’t want to scare my single friends off from parenting after complaining about the challenges and obstacles I face being a new mom. Who knows? Maybe in the future, they will join the parenting club and then we can bond once again between the war stories of childbirth and temper-tantrums in the grocery store aisles.
It’s honestly not that bad, but it’s not for everyone. Parenting has its moments and it’s quite an adjustment in life. I get it.
But I’m so grateful for my single friends to call or text me, even if I haven’t spoken to them in months. I’m sure I’m not included in every outing or night out now because of how long it takes for me to get out the door, but I’m grateful to have girlfriends left who understand and will wait up for me. They’ll give me crap about it for sure, but they would never leave me behind.
If you wait up for me, I will happily share a bottle of wine with you and listen to all of your problems. I’ll even cook you some dinner. I’m just thankful for some social interaction with another adult and happy to hang up the mom hat for a bit and relax like a normal human being.
Do I miss the excitement of being single? Sometimes, sure. I don’t miss the drama or having to deal with jerks in the dating game. The single life got old to me real fast. At that point in my life, I was done wasting time on things that no longer added value to it. So I decided to start planting my roots.
What I’ve gained over the past few years are things that a lot of people would kill for. A home that is mine. A husband who loves me and is waiting for me at home every day. An amazing little girl who is happy, healthy, and learning every day.
Even as I’m helping plan a big night out for someone who will be following my footsteps soon, I know that even while living it up and partying with my friends, I will still be missing the family life that I’ve made and will look forward to coming back home to them. Every single time.